Inside Myself

It’s cold here, alone with my thoughts.

Drowning in doubt, from my mind’s fearful inquest.

Lonesome & drifting, as happiness fades to anguish.

I remember this feeling…

This longing, this worry

This terror that it will all go away.

I am trying to be brave, courageous

In the face of this affection.

I can feel myself shutting down, pulling back.

An all too familiar defense.

In the prevention of yet another broken heart.

The scars of the past have only just healed

Still dripping with the blood of a loved lost.

The pain is gone, but the memory of it remains.

And the knowledge that what I am facing, is so much greater than any devotion of the past.

Surely the loss of which could be something from which I may never recover.

For it is something, I have never wanted more.

Rugged, raw and pure.

To be seen for all that I am and admired still.

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