Sleep

I used to think there were never enough hours in the day,

But these days it seems there are too many.

Morning comes like clockwork,

Forcing me to face the pain I hold within.

It used to be easy, hiding behind this facade,

But these days, I struggle.

Begging for nightfall before the sun has fully risen in the sky,

Craving the peace that only sleep can bring.

The nights are becoming shorter now,

With the swallow of every pill.

An act of self preservation.

For I fear if sleep does not come soon,

Courage may be lost and all hope abandoned in facing another day.

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Pleasurable Discomfort

 

Wounded, she drove.

Into the night, she sped.

There was no looking back now.

For something had came over her, just moments before.

As she turned the key,

Put down her phone,

And lit her last cigarette,

The painful reality of this distance took hold.

Wiping a tear from her cheek,

She tried to pretend it didn’t matter.

She didn’t care.

It didn’t hurt.

But it did.

And it scared her.

She was here again,

In this space,

Of pleasurable discomfort.

One that time has proven,

Only leads to damage.

And the disappointment,

Of yet another failure.

To be brave, would be her triumph.

But she fears, the risk too great.

For her heart,

Has no more room for stitches.

And her mind no place for doubt.

For once…

She thought,

It would be nice to be the prize,

Instead of the one fighting for it.

And so…

Wounded, she drove.

Into the night, she sped.

Trying to pretend it didn’t matter.

She didn’t care.

It didn’t hurt.

But it does.

 

 

 

 

I Will Not Be Broken

Anger courses through my veins

As disappointment drips slowly down my face

The sadness is maddening

For I refuse to be broken

Not again, not this time.

I own this misconception

For it is mine alone

Acting against my better judgement

A familiar mistake

That always seems to leave me bruised.

I had hoped that this was different

That maybe, just once…

There was more to this life

Than simply existing

Alone.

Perhaps it is valuable

This realization that nothing lasts forever

Life’s piercing reminder to appreciate those moments of pure vulnerability

For they are few and far between.

And growing less likely with every passing day.

Opening up, giving my all

Is not something I do easily

Nor an act I reserve for the common.

But even the exeptional

Have their doubts

Or so it would seem.

My defenses are rising

The walls rebuilding

In one last attempt to step away before it’s too late.

For I refuse to be broken

Not again, not this time.

 

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wished you were able to go back to a time in your past, not to change it, but simply to experience it again with all of the knowledge you now hold.

Moments you’ve forgotten and synchronicity you never understood.

One long winding road to the place you are now.

The person you have become.

Those twisted roots of history woven together to create your current reality.

How does it feel to know you chose this?

Every decision you have ever made has led to that which you are experiencing now.

Do you have any regrets…things you never said…and those you will never be able to say?

Has it taught you anything?

Perhaps…

That time is fleeting.

And no one knows what tomorrow will bring…