I don’t want ordinary¬†

What if…I don’t want an ordinary life

To be an ordinary wife

Married with children in the traditional way

What if…your idea of normal just isn’t for me
My life…has always been strange 

So maybe for me strange is the new normal

Would it shock you to hear that I don’t care if I ever get married

I did once

A very long time ago

When I was young and he was my muse

But not anymore

I am no longer searching for love

Something I am sure the majority of society would find impossible to comprehend

After all, no single woman in their 30’s would chose to be alone

And that’s where you’re wrong 

I have thought long and hard about this over the last few weeks

And I am absolutely positive that love & relationships are no longer for me

I’m sure the notion sounds insane to most

Or you assume that I simply must be lying to myself

I assure you that is not the case

You wonder how someone could live this way without feeling lonesome 

It can be lonely, but isn’t everyone sometimes

The difference for me is that when I’m lonely, I’m actually alone 

I have been in relationships where I felt the same

And in my opinion that is far worse

I also know what it’s like to find your soul mate

And I know how it feels to lose him

To be loved the way he loved me

Is a blessing in this life

To look into someone’s eyes and know without a doubt that the love you share is unbreakable

It is hard to believe that anyone could ever love me as much as he did

And that’s okay 

Some people spend their whole lives searching for a love like that and never find it

So believe me when I say

I am content

I do not need fixing

And I’d be ever so thankful, if everyone would just stop trying

I have no desire to live the life that everyone else has designed for me

My world is not incomplete just because I am single

If anything, it is more so, because I hold all the cards

I may spend the night in the arms of a man

After all, a woman has needs

But in the light of day, I will send him away

With the explanation, that the ordinary love affair is simply not for me

Judge as you will, but I really don’t care 

I’m tired of living by the expectations of others

If it is not yet clear to you by now

I will reiterate…

I don’t want an ordinary life

To be an ordinary wife

Married with children in the traditional way

For once you have had an extraordinary love

Everything and everyone else just seems so ordinary 

Dreamers Prayer

As I lay myself to sleep

The silence of the dark wraps tightly around my skin

Alone in my bed 

Swimming in my own imagination 

A fairytale of memories

Written with the deepest of regret

All feels lost, but perhaps it is not 

For all that could have been and all that has yet to come 

Can always be

If I only close my eyes

Life After Love

It is such a beautiful moment

When the clouds begin to clear

And the sun shines brightly down the path to tomorrow

Just think

A week ago, you were wallowing in disappointment 
Cripled by another broken heart

A pain so deep 

You thought you’d never recover

But much to your surprise

You did

Your life is not over

One’s ego just a little bruised

For the love for yourself is much greater now than ever before

There is no need to feel foolish

For we all put too much faith in others sometimes

You simply loved with your soul

And that is nothing to be ashamed of

It is childish for one to play games with another’s heart

And in the end they are the fool

For the broken hearted grow stronger

While they remain the same



If you knew the pain I was feeling, would it matter

If you knew that love was fading, would you pick up the phone

I trusted you and those words that slipped off your tongue

And you…you tossed me aside

It could have been different, you and I

But you…you wouldn’t even try

It could have been easy, amazing and even forever

But I guess we’ll never know

For I love myself much more than you

And I refuse to live in a constant state of disappointment

I am worthy of more, much more than this

Maybe you were right

Maybe I do deserve better

I can not change the way I feel

For I fear that I will always love you

Yet in this moment, I know

The only path is moving forward

Beyond this

Beyond you

And some day, I hope

I can look at you without this pain in the pit of my stomach

Absent of desire

And free

Free from your love and the memories of you


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