Have You Ever?

Have you ever wished you were able to go back to a time in your past, not to change it, but simply to experience it again with all of the knowledge you now hold.

Moments you’ve forgotten and synchronicity you never understood.

One long winding road to the place you are now.

The person you have become.

Those twisted roots of history woven together to create your current reality.

How does it feel to know you chose this?

Every decision you have ever made has led to that which you are experiencing now.

Do you have any regrets…things you never said…and those you will never be able to say?

Has it taught you anything?

Perhaps…

That time is fleeting.

And no one knows what tomorrow will bring…

 

 

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Let Me In Love

I have never been with anyone I could not forget.

It’s not butterflies, but it’s honest.

So you can imagine my surprise when one certain person refused to leave my mind.

Outside of expectation, without explanation… I just love you…just for being you.

So raw so beautiful, completely purely you.

I didn’t know what hit me

All of the sudden there was you

Holding all of my heart

Seeing me for all that I am

And loving me just the same

They said you would come

But I never believed I would find you

Yet here you are

In the most horrific of timing

our lives racing against one another

each grasping for  a much different goal.

I wish you could only understand just how much I love you

For all that you are

And loving you just the same

Fate brought us together

Let us not allow fear to hold us back

I know in my heart you are my love

Nothing could be any clearer

Let me love me love you

My love

Let me hold you

My love

Sweet love

Let me in

 

 

Nobody is Perfect

It amazes me how much time people waste complaining and gossiping about other people…Doesn’t seem very productive or kind in my personal opinion, but then again I can’t say I’ve never done it. Just happy I am more aware of its negative aspects now and the effect it can have on those around me. Every day I strive to be more aware of my actions. 

Seeing my faults in others, helps in my journey to be a better person 🙂 

Anger and Pain

Soon this will be over

This now… a moment in the past.

Those hurtful words that cut so deep

Their painful dripping down my cheeks

The Darkness.

So little light…

In times like these.

Serious thoughts weigh heavy on my mind

As thick black hate courses through my veins

Slowly the anger subsides

And I am left here

Feeling weak

Such Defeat…

In times like these.

Searching for strength in solitude

For soon it will all be over

This now…a moment of the past

This present…a fading memory

Self Esteem is a B!t@h!

Why is it that I am so high-strung sometimes? I didn’t ask to be this way. I don’t like being this way. I am able to calm myself into an ordinary state quite quickly, but sometimes it just comes on without warning. My head starts spinning and it is as if I am drowning in my own subconscious. It’s like there is a Woodpecker on the back of my cranium.
I wish I could perceive myself through the eyes of others. All of the lines, the freckles, etc that I obsess over and fear judgment upon, would they fall away? Are they even there to begin with? Or is it that I just magnify their nuances to a much larger degree. If so, then why all the fuss. Why all waves of inferiority; this fear of judgment and malice.

Do grown (and I mean that in the strictest sense!) people really dislike someone because they have flaws on their face or their fashion sense is lacking? It sounds so silly to say, so why is so much of my time spent on the subject when I know it is not true.

I even tell myself I am being stupid, but that is just it, I am insulting myself. I should be encouraging myself and setting my goals much higher, instead of low on the assumption of failure.

What is the deal? There are so many people worse off than me and I am sure they aren’t terrified to attend any social gathering with strangers for fear of rejection. The most frustrating part is knowing how neurotic you are and not being able to stop critiquing every action you make! It is just exhausting! Does anyone else have this problem?
They must!

How do you stop it other that just telling yourself it is not true and surrounding yourself with faithful loving people?

After a while you start to come to grips with the issue and attack it head on! It becomes a bit of a challenge really and one of those high goals too! Sweet! Well, I guess I answered my own question!

This may be hell, but you can’t tell me we are not here to learn something! Although, school is kind of hellish! So I guess it would makes sense.

The brain is so complex! However if it were simple, we wouldn’t have the ability to study it!

The Prospect of Freedom

With the prospect of freedom from the 9-5 on the horizon, I am hopeful for the future and all of the new experiences that are sure to follow.

I am looking forward to waking up to beaming rays of sun on my face without the intrusive sound of mechanical buzzing from my alarm.

I shall drift to sleep in peace and arise just the same.

I will be free!

Free to daydream, free to explore, free to just be.

If not for long, for long enough.

For many, work is a necessary evil. It is not time spent doing something you enjoy, but rather time spent busying yourself with the nuances of modern society.

If you are lucky enough to have found a way to earn an income doing what you love, then you are one of the truly blessed. Be wise and never take this for granted.

For the rest of us, the work days can be long and grueling without the rewards of passion and self-reliance.  We get through it by dangling the carrot of inspiration in front of our faces until we are exhausted by the prospect of freedom.

Disillusioned by the idea that this is what is expected of us and simply the way it has always been.

Rubbish!

We create our own destiny. Each one of us is powerful in our own special way. We are not meant to be shoved in the corner of an office, pencil pushing all day just to pay the rent. There is so much more out there for us and within us, we just need to find a way to break free from the mundane life that has been put before us. A life declared as normal.

What is normal really? Doesn’t the definition vary according to who is defining it? Would you let someone else define who you are? Tell you who you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to do, who you are supposed to love?

I sure hope not!

These are questions you are meant to find the answers to yourself. It is okay to be unsure in the beginning.

Life is all about finding the answers.

Don’t be afraid to embrace your dreams, aspirations and you inner weird, it is what makes you, YOU!