Days Like These

On days like these

I wish you were here

Nothing specific needed

I just wish you were here

Your presence alone makes me smile

Your contagious laugh

Your free spirit

And your love 

So much love

Not many have a bond like ours

You are my truest of friends

M’Lady by all accounts

I am missing you today

Missing you so much

And thanking the creative 

That you are in my life

Although we are apart

Your presence is always in my heart

Anger and Pain

Soon this will be over

This now… a moment in the past.

Those hurtful words that cut so deep

Their painful dripping down my cheeks

The Darkness.

So little light…

In times like these.

Serious thoughts weigh heavy on my mind

As thick black hate courses through my veins

Slowly the anger subsides

And I am left here

Feeling weak

Such Defeat…

In times like these.

Searching for strength in solitude

For soon it will all be over

This now…a moment of the past

This present…a fading memory

Fighting The Darkness

It’s cold here

Deep within the pit of my dispair

It’s lonely here

Backed within the corner of my rage

I can feel it more strongly now

So much stronger than before

The resentment

The disappointment

The darkness

This shattered reality I am forced to bare

The overwhelming sadness for all that is lacking in my life

Followed by the overwhelming shame for feeling ungrateful for all that I have

It is in times such as these 

As I lay here alone with my thoughts

That I find myself consumed with longing 

Longing for all that I have lost and all that never was

I begin to wonder

I think about lost love and why it never seems to work

Even when it feels so right 

It ends up being so wrong 

And I worry

Will I ever find truth?

Will anyone ever mean what they say?

Will anything ever be real?

My heart beats heavily within my chest

Weighing me down with every breath

Tears journey down my cheeks 

Shedding painful memories of the past

In this moment 

I am weak

In this moment 

I am human

And in this moment 

that’s okay

In Moments Like These…

I want so badly to break down and cry, but I know I need to be strong.

I want so badly to be angry, but I know I need to forgive.

I want so badly to run away from the world and never look back, but there’s no joy in that.

I want so badly to hate you, but I don’t.

Instead, I will stand up tall as I gaze upon the flames of the bridge you left behind.

As proud as a hero preparing for battle, I will look forward to this future still knocking at my door.

I tell myself I am powerful. I tell myself I am tough .

I remind myself that this too shall pass.

I will be strong.

I will forgive.

I will not run away and I will not cower.

Image courtesy of twobee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

He’s Fading

There was a time not long ago when he was all that filled my thoughts.

He held my world in the palm of his hands and gripped it so tightly.

He’s fading.

I saw no future in which he did not exist.

I thought of him often with feelings of disdain and regret.

He’s fading.

A man who was once so prevalent in my life has moved on without me.

It used to hurt so much more than this.

The songs we once sang together drove a dagger through my heart and the prospect of life with out him was unnerving.

No longer.

He could never see all the potential in me.

He played me like a fiddle until every string had snapped and I was nothing but a shell of an instrument that once played such beautiful music.

He left me broken, baffled and bruised.

No longer.

Today, I danced in his memory and rejoiced in the lesson learned.

I thought of him without the old feelings of disdain and regret.

Instead, I find myself filled with forgiveness and absolution.

I treasure the joys that we shared and said goodbye to the discontent.

I am finally free, he’s fading…