To accept ourselves as we are means to value our imperfections as much as our perfections. Sandra Bierig
Tears roll down my face
As the little voice in my head begins to banter with positivity
An enemy from long ago has reared its ugly head once again
When will it go away
When will I be free
Self doubt and ridicule
Pick apart my self esteem
As I struggle with my weight
A battle I keep fighting
But never seem to win
I know freedom lies in accepting where I am
Who I am
And all I’ve yet to be
Yet on days like these
I find it hard to keep the fire going
As this old familiar pain
Pours heavily on my heart
I long for the day
When I am no longer my worst enemy
I reside here in confidence
Strength and resilience my security
A peaceful place to rest my bones
No longer questioning myself
Void of all impatience
For that which has yet to be
Content with being me
Oh so thankful
For the life I’m meant to lead
Why is it that I am so high-strung sometimes? I didn’t ask to be this way. I don’t like being this way. I am able to calm myself into an ordinary state quite quickly, but sometimes it just comes on without warning. My head starts spinning and it is as if I am drowning in my own subconscious. It’s like there is a Woodpecker on the back of my cranium.
I wish I could perceive myself through the eyes of others. All of the lines, the freckles, etc that I obsess over and fear judgment upon, would they fall away? Are they even there to begin with? Or is it that I just magnify their nuances to a much larger degree. If so, then why all the fuss. Why all waves of inferiority; this fear of judgment and malice.
Do grown (and I mean that in the strictest sense!) people really dislike someone because they have flaws on their face or their fashion sense is lacking? It sounds so silly to say, so why is so much of my time spent on the subject when I know it is not true.
I even tell myself I am being stupid, but that is just it, I am insulting myself. I should be encouraging myself and setting my goals much higher, instead of low on the assumption of failure.
What is the deal? There are so many people worse off than me and I am sure they aren’t terrified to attend any social gathering with strangers for fear of rejection. The most frustrating part is knowing how neurotic you are and not being able to stop critiquing every action you make! It is just exhausting! Does anyone else have this problem?
How do you stop it other that just telling yourself it is not true and surrounding yourself with faithful loving people?
After a while you start to come to grips with the issue and attack it head on! It becomes a bit of a challenge really and one of those high goals too! Sweet! Well, I guess I answered my own question!
This may be hell, but you can’t tell me we are not here to learn something! Although, school is kind of hellish! So I guess it would makes sense.
The brain is so complex! However if it were simple, we wouldn’t have the ability to study it!