Playing With Knives

It tickles and prickles.

Gliding slowly along my skin.

The crispness of the blade piercing my flesh.

The need is growing stronger,

The yearning taking hold.

I desire to be damaged,

Fearing only he may know the way…

I like it.

How I long to be driven mad with passion,

To be taken.

Without warning.

Strangled and restrained,

By the one who once held my heart.

His fetish my reflection,

Shared darkness our bond.

 

For wicked is his poison,

That dances on my lips.

Drizzled bits of ecstasy,

Dripping ever so delicately over my tongue.

 

How I wish to find him hiding,

Somewhere away in the dark.

Ready and willing,

To give up the fight.

 

To prove me wrong,

 

But he won’t.

 

To show up unannounced,

Disturb my foundation,

Unsettle my core.

 

But he won’t.

And that’s okay.

 

I hold no hope for romance,

After all, I’m not a child.

For the eyes of a man can be telling,

And the words of a man deceiving.

To him,

I am no more,

Than familiar.

A comfort.

A friend.

A willing party,

Away from the war.

Another broken soul,

With whom to shed the mask.

And besides,  I’ve never found a lover,

Man enough, to tame this wild.

 

 

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Allusive

The quiet makes me quiver

As I slowly fade to dust

No one is listening

No one is here

Alone

Caught between a memory

And the hope for something more

Reaching out for comfort

Yet allusive in my words

If only

I possessed the courage to say

I need a friendly shoulder

Before I lose control

This world that I exist in

Is shaking at its core

And I

Just a lonely traveler

Stranded beyond the physical

And something in between

Broken language

Breeds bitter tears

As I surrender to the dark

Disappointed

Broken hearted

But wiser just the same

For I have had this feeling

Too many times before

So familiar

Like razors on my skin

And so

I disappear

Running from the prospect

Of another broken wing

Silly Little Optimist

You silly little optimistic girl.

Did you really think it would be different?

No one will ever love you.

Not with their whole heart at least.

Perhaps the mystery in your eyes will lead them to ponder…

To wonder…

What it would be like…

To love you.

But as with everything, that will surely fade.

You were not meant to be loved my dear.

There is no peace for you here.

No happiness.

No joy.

Loneliness; the only thing that’s real.

So walk or better yet, run

Far away from it all.

Go dark

Go distant

They won’t notice

Here today, gone tomorrow

 

You never meant a thing to them.

 

 

Sleep

I used to think there were never enough hours in the day,

But these days it seems there are too many.

Morning comes like clockwork,

Forcing me to face the pain I hold within.

It used to be easy, hiding behind this facade,

But these days, I struggle.

Begging for nightfall before the sun has fully risen in the sky,

Craving the peace that only sleep can bring.

The nights are becoming shorter now,

With the swallow of every pill.

An act of self preservation.

For I fear if sleep does not come soon,

Courage may be lost and all hope abandoned in facing another day.